Here’s how I planned to spend today:

9.30am: duck up to petrol sta­tion to fill tyres with air
10am: appoint­ment with Chiropractor
11am: drop in to ricky­buchanan’s place to pick up book
12ish: return books to Mel­bourne Uni Library.
Lunch, maybe with my col­league Dale.
1ish: Pop in to ACMI, hand in my volun­teer’s member form, borrow a bunch of films for thesis.
1.30ish: Take Jezebel to vet for check-up.
3ish: Install self in front of TV and watch cool film bor­rowed from ACMI. Repeat until filled with filmic stupor and joy.

Here’s what actu­ally happened:

9.30am: Try to start Astrid. Fail. Try to kick-start Astrid. Fail. Hurt leg in process.
9.40am: Kind new down­stairs door neigh­bour comes out to find out who is kick­ing Astrid and swear­ing. Assess situ­ation and decide: flat bat­tery caused by trying to start bike in cold and flood­ing it.
10.10am: Kind new next door neigh­bour drives me to chiropractor.
10.50am: Kind new next door neigh­bour picks me up from chiro­practor and takes me to petrol sta­tion to fill jerry can with petrol asshe was very low anyway.
11.10am: Arrive home with jerry can. Try to find key to Astrid. Cannot find key to Astrid anywhere.
11.30am: Attempt to use spe­cial code key to open Astrid. Suc­ceed. Fill tank. Attempt to key-start Astrid. Fail. Attempt to kick-start Astrid. Fail. Kind new next door neigh­bour attempts to kick-start Astrid. Fails. Kind new next door neigh­bour leaves for uni.
12pm: Call RACV. Wait in phone queue. Am only insur­ance member not road­side assist­ance member. Am put through to mem­ber­ship line. Wait in phone queue. Pay $165 to join. Am put back through to road­side assist­ance line. Wait in phone queue. Am told that RACV only offers lim­ited road­side assist­ance to motor­bike and scooter owners and that they can come and tow it to a shop but will not kick-start her for me. Ask why I was just made to pay $165 after explain­ing clearly what I needed. Am told that was to become a member. Yell and scream a bit. Finally con­vince idiot on end of phone that a bat­tery is a bat­tery is a bat­tery and that I basic­ally need road­side assist­ance, not a towtruck.
12.45pm: RACV guy arrives. Attempts to kick-start Astrid. Fails. I lift seat, get out tools. We unscrew bat­tery lid. Bat­tery is tiny and cute but reg­u­lar 12 V thing so attach jumper leads and jump-start. Suc­cess! Check bat­tery with mul­ti­meter. Char­ging properly!
1pm: Go to petrol sta­tion and fill tyres with air. Only 3.5 hours behind schedule.
1.30pm-ish: Arrive at ricky­buchanan’s. Grab book. Leave. (Sorry so short! Would have loved to stay longer.)
2pm: Go to Vespa House on John­ston St and buy new blank micro­chipped key for Astrid. $28.
2.20pm: Go to Colling­wood Lock­smith and get them to cut new blank key using Master key. $7.50.
2.40pm: Return to Vespa House to get new key pro­grammed so it will over-ride Astrid’s immob­il­iser. Frank decides Scooter Market did some­thing weird to Astrid when they fixed her last time and that’s why left tail light isn’t fit­ting prop­erly. He checks. Says fuel tank is loose because they forgot a screw and it will take him 20 minutes to remove lug­gage rack and bunch of other stuff and insert screw.
2.50pm: Go and eat lunch while Frank inserts screw.
3.30pm: Finally head to Mel­bourne Uni to return books.
4.15pm: Arrive ACMI. Hand over volun­teer member form. Am informed it takes a week to pro­cess forms and that I can start bor­row­ing next Wednesday.
Laugh mani­ac­ally. Return home.
4.45pm: Call vet. Explain insane day. Describe Jeze­bel’s heal­ing. Sigh with relief when told her check-up can prob­ably wait till Saturday.
5pm: Write LJ entry as attempt to calm down. Mostly succeed.

Mean­while, happy Sam­hain people. sleazemon­key and I cel­eb­rated early last Friday night but my friend Mark aler­ted me to a site that has accur­ate cross-quarter days as well as sol­stices and equi­noxes, so now I can stop being lazy and saying the cross-quarter fest­ivals are on whatever cal­en­dar day the renais­sance folks assigned to them. What’s more it has the local times, so I don’t have to do that cal­cu­la­tion myself any­more! Go, Mark!