Time out/Goodbye Grandpa part two

Thus starts what is almost an entirely dif­fer­ent week­end, in an entirely par­al­lel uni­verse: Brandon and I drive up to the moun­tains, talk­ing all the way. In the morn­ing, we sleep in, wander around Katoomba, head for Black­heath and hike down to Vic­toria Falls. Dinner was a fairly dis­ap­point­ing Chinese place in Black­heath and then it’s red wine and short­bread and a spa. Intense dis­cus­sions, life shar­ing. Next morn­ing we drive to Jen­o­lan Caves, and sign up for the RIver Cave tour (1300 steps). We’re both a little dis­ap­poin­ted at how crowded the tour is and how com­mer­cial and safe it is gen­er­ally, but the shawls are still beau­ti­ful. The long drive back is polit­ics and spir­itu­al­ity and more. I don’t feel like I have the space to really enjoy and cel­eb­rate and pro­cess what is hap­pen­ing here. I don’t want to leave this safe, com­fort­ing world and go back to the one in which my grand­father is dying.

But I have to. I go back to the hos­pital. Grandpa has been doing better, Mum says. He’s been com­mu­nic­at­ing by rais­ing his eye­brows for yes and frown­ing for no. She made a joke: “You could do with a glass of whis­key right about now, huh, Dad?” He nods his head a little.

I tell him all about my week­end, about the caves and the falls, and the dis­cus­sions. I note that Howard has called an elec­tion and I tell him that my cousin Vanessa and I have prom­ised to vote against Howard for him. Mum tells me Vanessa sang “Sum­mer­time” for Grandpa. I think about the songs I know and decide to sing him “Black­bird”: “Black­bird singing in the dead of night. Take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only wait­ing for this moment to arrive. Black­bird singing in the dead of night. Take these sunken eyes and learn to see. All your life, you were only wait­ing for this moment to be free. Black­bird, fly! Black­bird, fly! Into the light of the dark black night…” I real­ise it is the same mes­sage as my story. 

I have to go. My plane leaves at 10.20pm. I have to teach in the morn­ing and I haven’t really got enough leave at my new job to just stay in Sydney on the death­watch. I have said what I need to say. I have said goodbye.