Thank you, SLOU

So, Secret Life Of Us kindly provided me with an expli­cit dis­cus­sion of sexual iden­tity versus sexual practice.

in bed. MIRANDA is lying down, CHLOE is sit­ting up strok­ing her hair.

MIRANDA: Have you ever been in love before?

CHLOE: I went out with a girl at school but that was a secret so it didn’t seem very real. [??? does that answer the ques­tion? Is going out being in love?]

MIRANDA: What did your par­ents think?

CHLOE: They didn’t know.

MIRANDA: Do they know now?

CHLOE: They know I’m a les­bian [iden­tity] but they don’t rejoice in it or any­thing. What about yours?

MIRANDA: What?

CHLOE: Do your par­ents know?

MIRANDA: That I’m with you? (smiles)

CHLOE: That you’re with a woman? [prac­tice]

MIRANDA: No. (in a no dummy’ tone)

CHLOE: Why’d you say it like that? (smil­ing)

MIRANDA: Because I just wouldn’t tell them.

CHLOE (still smil­ing): You want it both ways.

MIRANDA (incred­u­lous): What?

CHLOE: Well you wouldn’t be ashamed to say you were het­ero­sexual, would you?

MIRANDA (almost wist­ful?): No.

CHLOE: But you are ashamed to say you’re a lesbian.

MIRANDA: Because I’m not one.

CHLOE: What makes a lesbian?

MIRANDA: Someone who’s only ever been with women.

CHLOE: (mock out­rage) Oh. (explan­at­ory) Well then, I’m not a les­bian. I’ve been with men.

MIRANDA: I’m het­ero­sexual. I just fell in love with a woman. [identity/practise]

CHLOE (smil­ing): I’m glad it’s me. [leans over and kisses her!!! WHAT IS THIS? HAS NO ONE HEARD OF BISEXUALITY? JESUS !!!!]

I have only my gut-level reac­tion at the moment and haven’t really star­ted to ana­lyse it… first take is:

They see iden­tity as some­thing that has almost noth­ing to do with prac­tice, and yet it must on some level because pre­sum­ably a woman who *never* sleeps with women would­n’t be allowed to use the term les­bian. Or would she?

And I’m right about the focus on fixity: you’re not allowed to be in between. You’re cer­tainly not allowed to have it “both ways”. Even having a ‘fixed’ bisexual iden­tity is too fluid. Within iden­tity, though, fluid prac­tice is com­pletely accept­able. You can be a les­bian and sleep with men. You can be het­ero­sexual woman and sleep with women. 

There’s so much in this bit of dia­logue though, so many little assump­tions… some rel­ev­ant to me and others not. I want to unpack the “love…girl I slept with at school” assump­tions, but I don’t think they’re very rel­ev­ant to my work.