Because demiurgically_m asked:
I was the editor of e)mag in The Age/Sydney Morning Herald. I had interviewed Hugh Jackman and John Travolta at the Swordfish press conference that morning. Not a one-on-one, just a few questions from the floor.
That night was the premià¨re at Jeff’s Shed, a.k.a. The Melbourne Exhibition Centre. The ground in there is concrete. I remember really tacky stuff like platforms with dancers in metal cages dancing in skimpy outfits with C4 belts. Someone offered me a tiny little white carton of Asian-style noodles and chopsticks. I accepted, ate them. Wandered over to some people I knew who were positioned next to the enormous table covered in ice with oysters and sashimi and other things on it. Finished my noodles, but kept one chopstick to use in loosening oysters from their shells.
At one stage in discussions, I was gesturing vehemently with my chopstick, emphasising a point, when I caught the edge of my glasses, flinging them off my face and onto the floor. Smash. One lens was a starred wreck of fractured lines.
“That’s me done,” I said to the crowd. “See you all tomorrow.”
“Wait’ said my editorial assistant. “You haven’t said hello to Hugh Jackman yet’
“I don’t need to say hello to Hugh Jackman. I interviewed him this morning. I am not going to talk to him with cracked glasses. I’m fine.”
“You don’t understand. I wasn’t there this morning and I live vicariously through you. It’ll be a talking point! A conversation starter! You *have* to go and talk to him.” (This bit may not be exactly what she said.)
She led me through the crowd. Literally. I had my glasses in my hand, so I was blind. I had my hand on her elbow. Periodically, I snuck my glasses on quickly to see how close we were to the VIP space. Just as I was doing this one final time, Hugh Jackman spotted me doing it. I quickly swept the glasses back off my face and into my hand.
Hugh: That must be driving you crazy.
Me: Yep, I… uh… had a tragic chopstick gesture accident.
Hugh: Are you short-sighted or long-sighted?
Me: Very, very short-sighted. You currently have no eyes.
Hugh: So, where would I come into focus?
Me (indicating point about three centimetres from my face with my fingers): Oh, about here…
Hugh (moving closer to me so that he is three centimetres from my face): Is that better?
Me (struggling to breathe and thinking “kiss him, kiss him”): Uh huh…
Hugh (in the sexiest voice I have ever heard from anyone in my life): I better step back… People might… talk…
We then had a lovely conversation about a whole lot of things, including the fact that at least he’d never forget me.